Missing Him
by YoGurlB
Summary: Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad.


**Hey all! Since it is Father's Day I wanted to do a little one-shot to honor all the wonderful dads out there. My father abandoned me but I know there are some great fathers out there. My mother is the best and I call her my mother and father. So happy Father's Day mommy! **

**I do not own Twilight or the characters.**

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_He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland_

Father's Day. A day where dad would take me and Seth fishing. A day where mom would make blueberry pancakes and we would all saturate them with maple syrup. A day where we would all play UNO together, and dad somehow always won. A day where I would wear a dress because we would eat out for dinner. A day where my smile was never ending, even when I was still pissed at Sam and Emily. A day where waking up and giving my dad his father's day card was the best thing in the world to me. His smile would shine and his eyes twinkled. He sat in his recliner all day as we got him everything he needed. Father's Day was his day.

" Lee, you up yet," I heard a light knock on my door. My mother's soft voice got my attention and I quickly wiped tears from my eyes.

" Yea, I'm up," I said sitting up and clutching my pillow. I remembered the day dad brought this pillow home. It was soft and was laced with tiny beads. My favorite part of it was that it smelled like him. I held it tightly to my chest as my mother sat on my bed.

"Oh Leah. I'm so sorry," my mother grabbed my face in her hands. Tears streamed from my eyes and fell on the pillow that I still clutched with my life. " It's okay to cry honey. You are not weak just because you cry. I cry everyday and no one calls me weak. We are only human even if you do turn into a giant wolf at times." My mother chuckled at her last statement.

She continued. " But your daddy would be so proud of you and Seth. You two are the strongest people I know."

" I don't feel strong. I just feel like I put on a strong face and it's fake. I wish there was some way to bring him back. I miss him so much," I said more tears forming in my eyes.

" Lee you might not think you are strong but everyone else sees it. If you were weak, would you still be here? Would you have carried on with life? Hell you are strong for even staying in La Push after all this stuff happened." My mother hugged me and I let my tears fall. That was something I never did. I never let someone see me cry, not after I had become this monster. I didn't like to show my emotions to other people, it made me feel vulnerable and weak.

" Thank you for being here mom," I said through sobs. She rubbed my back and I felt her tears fall on my shoulder.

" No thank you for being here for me. I thank God for you and Seth everyday," She said tightening her grip on me. We sat there for fifteen minutes, embracing each other. Seth knocked on the door and peeked his head in.

" Is everything alright," Seth asked in an innocent voice. I nodded my head and grabbed a tissue from my bedside table. Seth's face saddened and he came over to my bed.

" Good morning," my mother replied smiling. She was still sniffing and wiping tears away.

" Don't cry mama," Seth said patting our mother's back.

" Oh," my mother let out another sob and laid her head on Seth's shoulder. I could tell he was trying not to cry because he wanted to be tough. He considered himself the man of the house and didn't want to be seen crying. He looked at me with sad eyes and I smiled weakly.

" It's okay Seth," I mouthed and a single tear rolled down his cheek. My mother was still crying pretty hard and yelling ' Why did it have to be him'? I felt horrible because there was nothing I could do to help. I couldn't bring him back or make her pain go away. It broke my heart to see my family so broken and in despair. I leaned into Seth's other shoulder and let my tears fall freely.

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"I invited Billy and Jake over for breakfast. I wanted to fix Billy a nice meal. I owe it to him," my mother said washing out a pan. I stood next to the stove rubbing my burning eyes.

" What are you going to make," I asked.

" I don't know. What should I cook," my mother asked setting the pan on the stove.

" Hmmm. How about blueberry pancakes?" I smiled as my mother nodded her head.

" Good idea. Can you help me?"

"Sure." I got a bowl out and retrieved the milk from the fridge. Seth walked into the kitchen and furrowed his brows. " We are making blueberry pancakes for breakfast."

" Oh. Haven't done that since," Seth's voice trailed off and he sat down at the kitchen table. Me and my mother looked at each and sighed.

" Billy and Jake are coming over, I think Billy will love the pancakes. Especially since Leah is making them," my mother winked at me. Billy had become a father like figure to Seth and I since our dad passed away.

" I bet he will. Leah makes some mean pancakes," Seth replied with a hint of sadness in his eyes. I really felt bad for Seth, he was close to dad and every Father's Day was rough for him.

I mixed the pancake mix together and put butter on the griddle. My mother got the bacon and potatoes from the fridge.

" Is there anything I need to help with," Seth asked coming towards the stove.

" No," me and my mother said at the same time. Seth should never be allowed to cook in anyone's kitchen

" Okay," Seth held up his hands. " I am going for a run."

"Be back in time so you can take a shower before breakfast," my mother stated as Seth walked out the kitchen.

" I will."

" He is starting to act just like your dad," my mother said smiling. " Looking like him more and more everyday."

" I know right. I just wish there was something I could do to make him feel better." I poured the pancake mix onto the griddle.

" You do make him feel better Lee. He would not be able to handle all of this without you by his side. Especially this wolf business, I think Seth would have went crazy by now. He really enjoys your company," my mother replied. She peeled a potato and threw it in a bowl.

I smiled. " He is good company to me too."

" You two should come to the gravesite with me," my mother suggested.

I shook my head. " No I can't. I can't…do that."

" Leah you should-"

" No mom I can't. I can't know that my father is right under my feet dead. I just can't go there," I replied flipping the pancakes.

My mother sighed and continued to peel the potatoes.

Breakfast was really good. We talked and laughed through most of it, all of us trying to hide out real emotions.

" Thanks Billy for being here for my family," my mother said.

" Oh it's no problem. Gotta love these kiddos," Billy ruffled Seth's hair.

" Well I am going to the cemetery. Did you want to come with me," my mother asked Billy.

" Yea I can go. I want to go to Sarah's grave too," Billy said wheeling himself to the door.

" I will come with you mom. Lee you coming," Seth asked.

" No," I said getting up to clear the table.

My mother nudged Seth and he walked out the kitchen.

" I'll stay with her," I heard Jacob whisper to my mother. Seconds later I heard the front door close.

" Why didn't you want to go," Jacob asked helping me clear the table.

" I just didn't want to," I replied curtly. Jacob sighed and took the plates over to the sink.

" It gets easier when you go the site ya know. I didn't go see my mother for months and when I did I felt a little better."

" How does that make you feel better when you can't see her? She is underground, dirt piled on top of her. How does that make you feel better when she can't even answer you," I asked slamming my hands on the table. Jacob just stood there looking at his hands. He would usually yell back at me for yelling at him, but today he didn't. Hot tears ran down my face. Damn, now I was crying in front of my Alpha.

" I can't go see him like that. I want to remember my dad not some dead body under my feet. That is not my dad because his soul is not in that body," I cried. I gathered the silverware and dumped them in the sink. Jacob put a hand on my shoulder and I knocked it off.

" Come here," Jacob grabbed my arm and my body crashed into his. I sobbed loudly and buried my head in his chest. Jacob hesitatingly put both his arms around me.

" I hate that he is not here. It's so unfair. Why couldn't it have been me," I cried. Jacob held me away at arm's length.

" Don't say that Leah. Obliviously you are still here for a reason, don't say that," Jacob said sternly. " Plus we all need you to be here. You are comedy relief." Jacob smiled slightly.

"Shut up," I said through sobs. He hugged me again and rested his chin on the top of my head.

" I can go to the cemetery with you if you want me to," Jacob replied.

" I can't do it."

" Yes you can. I will go with you Leah. Just try," Jacob said.

" Ok." I said. " I will try. But if I can't do it when we get there I'm coming back home."

Jacob nodded and took my hand. My mother must have driven her truck because Billy's truck was still here

" We can walk," Jacob insisted.

I nodded sadly.

" Come on Beta," Jacob grabbed my hand and pulled me along. He walked slowly letting me catch up to each step. I really didn't want to rush to the cemetery, so I walked as slowly as possible.

" I don't know if I can do this," I said stopping.

" I am here with you Lee, you can do it," Jacob said.

We continued to walk and I could see the cemetery in the distance. My stomach twisted and I felt sick. Jacob must have noticed because he stopped walking.

" We can go back if you want Lee."

" No I want to go now. I need to. I owe it to my dad," I replied. Jacob smiled and walked toward the cemetery. I spotted my father's tomb stone and slowly walked up to it. I could see my mother, Seth and Billy at Sarah's grave.

Jacob stood behind me as I kneeled down to my father's grave.

" Hi daddy. I'm sorry I have not come to see you like I should have. I just had a hard time doing it. Everyday I wish you were here, here to see how Seth is growing up. He is going to be just like you. I really miss you and I just want you to be here. I need you here daddy," I broke down in tears. I could feel Jacob's warm hand on my shoulder. " I'm so sorry I have not been the best Leah I can be. I have been so evil to Emily. So evil to everyone. But it would be much easier if you were here. I just find it hard to forgive without you here to guide me. I miss you daddy." I collapsed on the grave. Jacob's hand remained on my shoulder as he kneeled down next to me.

" Happy Father's Day to the best father in the world," I choked out. I turned to Jacob who was looking at me sadly. " Thanks for coming with me."

" No problem Beta," Jacob said hugging me again.

I could see my mother at Sarah's grave. She smiled at me with tears in her eyes and gave me a thumbs up. I smiled back weakly.

_A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold_

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**Thanks for reading! Hope you all enjoyed!**


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